Date:	2009-10-27 23:36
Subject:	easing down
Security:	Public
Mood:	tired

I'm beginning to accept the fact that I'm stuck in industry for another 6 months...but still relying heavily on pain killers, coffee, and loud music to get work done. then again, i haven't been sleeping well either. If i'm not studying then I'm thinking about studying, or how much studying i still need to do, which chapters to cover, when to register for the exam, whether i should listen to lectures in the car while i drive...yeah. perhaps i'll allow myself a full day of no studying/work...but there's still so much to cover...

ever get to the point where your head is filled with so much information that you feel the physical desire to vomit? somewhat similar to "in one end, out the other."

I'm seriously utilizing all my willpower to NOT RIP APART THIS FUCKING BOOK! I'd call someone just to bitch about this book if he/she knew what I was talking about

STUPID FUCKING BOOK! you don't even have your chapters in the right order!

Date:	2009-09-15 21:56
Subject:	Stupid book
Security:	Public
Mood:	angry

Urgggg I fucking hate this stupid kaplan book you fucking editors need to be shot! you're charging an arm and a leg for shit that isn't even formatted and superfluous words that make simple concepts hard to understand! you fucking retarded shits I hate you! learn a lesson from EK and throw a fucking diagram in because you fucking suck at explaining things! mother fuck i can't believe i wasted money on this crappy book that takes twice the effort to read compared to ek. fucking monkeys published this piece of crap!

Date:	2009-09-10 00:02
Subject:	Race for the Cure
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

Susan G this Sunday in Central Park! Last minute registrations are always welcomed! Or you can support me with a donation!

https://secure2.convio.net/nyk/site/Donation2?idb=2129420477&df_id=1240&FR_ID=1170&PROXY_ID=1650351&PROXY_TYPE=20&1240.donation=form1

hell with it, should i just be completely direct and tell him "i like you, hope you're still single, if so let's go out?" ...is that coming on too strong? cuz i know some guys get turned away by it. fyi - this is the dude that i worked with 3 years back and was too dense/hungover to realize he was hitting on me...so I apparently shot him down multiple times. As it stands now: I last sent him an email about 2 weeks ago to get drinks thurs night, he has clinic on thurs night, but asked how late i'd be out anyway (and in a previous email he typed out a smiley face when I offered to buy him a drink)...but since then I haven't heard anything back. isn't the ball in his court now? or was the diss 3 years ago still so strong that he doesn't know i'm interested?

I need a guy's perspective.

Date:	2009-08-08 17:18
Subject:	Was it something I ate?
Security:	Public
Mood:	grateful

Most disturbing dream ever - I was marrying someone in a month that I didn't love. The invitations were sent out already, people had already booked their flights, and everyone was pushing for it...freaky and so vivid. I wonder if that's how some people in arranged marriages must feel. Absolutely horrifying...it's been a while since I've awakened and felt an enormous sense of relief that it was all just a dream...and all my life I always thought my worst fear was having an arm or leg ripped off/amputated.

Date:	2009-07-05 18:04
Subject:	pretty pretty princess
Security:	Public
Mood:	annoyed

After 2 weekends of being surrounded by "princess" types I thank the heaven's that I'm a tomboy. Just to give a sampling of yesterday - we were in a store in AC and started heading out, thinking that everyone in our group was with us (4 girls total). After a mere 2 minutes (maybe less) of exiting the store, J gets a call from her friend asking where we are. We had accidentally left the store without her, but #1 she's a grown woman and #2 she knew we were making our way to the exit of the mall. After J apologized to her on the phone we saw her no more than a few feet away...this was a grown woman, literally freaking out bc she was left alone...god forbid she step out of the store to actually look for us. J actually had to console her because she was so traumatized...am I missing something? this same girl was having mood swings throughout the entire night, which ultimately affected my morale and as such, i had a horrible night. yes, she was going through a break up and did acknowledge that she was very emotional...but in response to me saying that I had a horrible fucking night because of all the drama, she claimed that she didn't want anyone looking after her and that she didn't ask anyone to take care of her...somewhat implying that it was our fault...and get this, she said that she was a "grown up"...i find this argument to be weak, as just hours ago she suffered from separation anxiety and throughout the day we seemed to be catering to her whims. I couldnt tell if she was just drunk or if she suffered from short term memory loss. In summary, this pretty pretty princess had a great night out...b/c everyone was looking after her and her emotional state (actually we were even waiting for her in the morning to leave, too, but she didn't think to finish her resume earlier in the week).

What's funny is that in the car ride back she kept saying that she hates drama, is usually not the dramatic type, and attributed her current emo state to the recent break up - inferring that this was only temporary...again, weak argument, for theyve been broken up for about 2 months now and she'll most likely continue to be in this emo state for a good year.

And just another example of how she seems to think that everything revolves around her, when i said that i hated fucking drama it was a generalized statement, b/c there was actually another retarded bitch that came out with us that night. Although i have to commend her on actually arguing back (makes you less of a pussy) she clearly thought that it was a personal attack on her, it was not, but I guess when you're a pretty pretty princess you think that you're always the main focus.

What truly disappointed me was that although she had been making emo remarks the entire day, the actual catalyst of my anger (and I do voice my anger once I reach my breaking point) was the other retarded bitch...telling the emo girl that she had hooked up with emo girl's ex-boyfriend not too long after they had broken up. yes, honesty is great, but when retarded bitch (RB for short) pulled me aside in the bathroom to explain what happened she gave me another story: ex-bf wanted to hook up but she said no. Clearly RB is also a liar, bc she told J that the hook up had occurred and hinted that it was more than once. When criticized for her god awful timing, RB replied (to me) that she didnt think K would be able to keep this secret while drinking, and as such, needed to tell emo girl the truth immediately, before drunken K could. RB is also very conniving...lol, this same girl was trying to "educate" me on why Vioxx went off the market, but seemed to base her facts off her mother - not knowing that i had read the Vioxx clinical trials...clearly anything that exits RB's mouth must first be validated.

Anyhoo, as a result of the past 2 weekends, esp yesterday, I have developed an INCREDIBLY low tolerance for girly girls. I absolutely cannot stand princess types with bleeding vaginas.

Date:	2009-05-05 00:17
Subject:	Addicted to Lynch
Security:	Public
Mood:	high

Stephen Lynch is a fucking god...such a ridiculous genius!!! Holy shit I am so infatuated with him right now! I have all his albums and I've seen his DVD. Now I'm kicking myself in the ass for not getting tickets when he was in AC (just last month!), nor following up with him when he was still performing in The Wedding Singer. God damn I still remember watching his comedy central special and I thought, hmmm, this guy has talent. Damn if only I actually started listening to his albums...this guy is a fucking genius! So freakishly gifted with song! I tell ya, I hardly ever get addicted to any band, song, or any tv show for that matter, but god damn stephen lynch is just fucking amazing. I just want to meet him in person and shake his hand for being such a fucking pleasure. I got my roommates to listen to one of his albums this past weekend and now they're humming his tunes as well. I just bought his latest album today and this dude has such a wide range of melodies and beats...it's just unbelievable! I usually can't even buy an album b/c I get tired of listening to the same voice/genre of music for an hour. In fact most of my CDs have rather eclectic compilations. Stephen Lynch is definitely the sole exception. Never have I listened over and over again to the same albums by one artist. What a fucking genius. God I can't wait for him to tour in this area again.


Must titrate this obsession down...although I purposely try to only listen to his music in the car...makes me look forward to driving to work. Delicious genius...and so fucking cute, too.

So....I just bought a new snowboard with bindings and boots!! OMG i can't wait to take it on the slopes! I can't believe i didn't take this sport up sooner!

and now...must not spend any more money for the next month...

Date:	2009-01-26 19:45
Subject:	YAY!
Security:	Public
Mood:	chipper

My dad got another position at Dupont!!! YAY! For months I've been worrying whether my salary would be enough to support a few people...

Date:	2009-01-10 10:34
Subject:
Security:	Public
Mood:	ecstatic

something's been happening that makes me loooooove my life. god i hope it doesnt stop.

my car is a piece of shit. i just spent $800 in june. I'm not spending another $700. it's fucking gay. i spent almost $200 today just getting a temporary fix for it, which required me renting a car to get to work...which required a train ride to get to the rental agency. mad gay. gay gay gay gay gay. so yeah, i'll be driving down to DE thurs after work to buy a new car this weekend. i'm not dealing with anymore of this bullshit....although i will miss the daewoo...lesigh.

I PASSED MY BOARD EXAM!!!!!!!!! *happy dance happy dance* Well, the first one at least. Now only the law component is left and that's this coming Monday. Wish me luck!

One thing I do not like about the apt: there is no central air...boo. But i still LOVES it! I love looking out the window and seeing all the life. I love the sky blue wallpapering in the dining room. i love the small roman pillars adjoining the living room with the dining room. The high ceilings, the bathroom tiling, the backyard and all its glory, and most of all. I looooooves my room. and i love my new mattress and bedframe. Overall i am mucho pleased with the place. Only ronda has moved in so far. Patiently waiting for the other 3 to join us. then we'll be like one happy family! hahaha or as family-esque you can get with 2 indians, 2 whites, and a chink. oh yeah, and i love how the library is a walk away. and how the path station is down the street. and it turns out that i dont need to get a resident permit with how my work schedule is gonna be.

in other news i havent gone out out in a loooong time...mainly due to the boards, but the move took a lot of time away too. omg, cant wait to get those stupid exams outta the way! all i've done the past 3 weeks is studying every minute...even at work (haha in between the patient counseling sessions). I even took my review book with me to ikea...and the mall...that thing is my bible now. last big exam hopefully for the rest of my life...and it's all coming to an end june 20th and 30th (wish me luck!) cross your fingers, do a dance, cuz if i dont pass then 1. i will be a retard and 2. i will have shat away $850 and hours upon hours of my time. so yeah, i've led a very very boring life since graduation weekend...but hopefully getting all this shit outta the way will allow me to really enjoy my july 4th weekend, of which J&J has off on the 3rd too! yay 4 day weekend! who wants to go to the beach? and then july 8th there's a big orientation for all the fellows, and majority of the fellows are rutgers grads so it'll be so much fun!

but back to studying: VTE, anemia, oncology and transplantation are topics for today.

So we've been looking at apartments for a while now. The house we wanted to sign with fell through ...but honestly I'm relieved because although it was very spacious and nice on the inside, I hated the exterior...and the location. Not far north enough...and it was DIRECTLY across from a church...hahaha. The apartment we looked at today was really nice. Better than i expected (maybe that's why we liked it?). It's 2 stories, with 2 singles and 2 doubles. I dont care which room i get b/c
1. I love the kitchen
2. I love the flooring
3. the living room is really cute
4. The facade is really nice - looks clean, well kept and modern
5. I LOVE the location (prolly only 15 minutes away from manhattan)
6. $1400 for a 4 bedroom apt is MAD CHEAP!

So I'm crossing my fingers that the other 3 roomies like it cuz so far only Helen and I have seen it. And even if they do like it, I HOPE HOPE HOPE that the landlord likes us cuz I wanna sign right away. If we do get it then we wont be able to move in until june so I'm gonna have to drop off my stuff in jersey and go home for a week...I havent spent a night in DE in maybe 4...5...6 months? I cant remember but it's been long enough for my aunt to move back in.

More news! I'm FINALLY GRADUATING!!!!! May 23rd my title will officially and legally be Dr. Kung heeheehee. But of course no one's gonna call me that cuz it's just weird and I'll be working in an office with first name greetings anyway. Bleh, I'm studying for my boards now....that mofo costs approx $1000 to take cuz I need to take the law exam too, get fingerprinted and have a background check (in addition to the one I had before rotations). But still, it'll be worth it in the end if I can work at least every other weekend. Although in for my fellowship we're not required to get our license since our job doesnt require us to actually practice.

OK, this is for my Charlotte chickadees. There's a VERY good chance that i'll be back in my home city this weekend until next thurs morning (the 15th to 20th). so if you guys are around and wanna hang out or chill lemme know! I need suggestions on where to go! We might spend a night in atlanta since it's only 4 hours away. then i was thinking myrtle beach too. and booo I didnt realize that carowinds was closed now! and reed's gold mine doesnt have panning until april. so yeah, i looked at these clubs called crush and grand central on n. tryon st. I havent "really" explored the adult in charlotte and i havent been seen everyone in maybe 6 years...? yeah that's long. so basically this only goes out to jaime, terri and imani...oooo i hope you guys read this cuz i can't find your phone numbers! what else is there to do in that area?

Well clearly I know m way around lj since i learned only last week about the security settings oh silly me.

So yes, 2 very important turning points in my life are about to be finalized tomorrow. I'm mailing in my acceptance letter for a post-doctoral fellowship position in clinical research with johnson johnson (YAY I have a real job! and the peasants rejoiced)...after shedding blood sweat and tears to get the offer. and many truths were spilled out last week so i'm happy to say that tomorrow night i'll be in nyc chillin with special company...and i'm excited but also kinda scared kinda nervous b/c 1. i've never done this before and 2. something someone told me in high school...which i dunno if i'm purposely applying the fortune so that he fits into the equation, or if this was really supposed to happen...i guess as long as everyone has fun then it's ok. but it is kinda weird to think that everything is preordained.

I've been beastin at the gym again. thank god the fitness center is open again cuz i hated driving to another campus. more importantly though, thank goodness this rotation i'm at now is mad chill (esp since it's the extra one i took to boost up my cv). but even so, it does get kinda boring when there's no work that needs to get done. last friday i actually had to ask my preceptor for more letters to update (after consulting with my fellows students of course). i mean, i appreciate the fact that our preceptor recognizes that we're students and that we still need to work outside of our rotations to pay the bills, but i've only updated 7 letters in the past 4 weeks (which is actually more work than the boys have done combined). so tomorrow, i'm actually gonna be taking care of some J&J stuff while at novartis...i'm a traitor i know, but novartis is lame anyway.

and omg i still need to look for an apt in northern jersey. i have 2 other roomies...but it's definitely gonna be REALLY weird cuz they're actually a couple...and i'm closer friends with the guy, but his gf is cool too. hahaha so when the floor starts shaking i guess that'll be my cue to turn on the radio or some shit like that. grrrr i wish everyone else knew their assignments already! the residents just started the interview process, and the match isnt until march so crap that's really late. it's gonna be so different once i finally graduate...and moving away from rutgers is gonna suck ass. but...i'm tired of paying twice the amount of tuition for out of staters, i'm tired of the ru screw, tired of being graded cuz seriously, wtf does our gpa have anything to do with anymore?

I should be writing my letter of intent now but all I can think about is how much I miss chart reviews and that I should be reviewing antibiotic guidelines and more therapeutics. We'll see how this industrial hunt goes. The convention was a success I must admit. I LOVE Hoffmann-La Roche, J&J, and Forest research institute...but they all have their own specific perks. I got along with all of them and I can almost say with confidence that they'll all invite me back for on-sites...well, J&J I can say for sure heehee...I still can't believe I fist pounded one of the preceptors during the reception. Besides for vegas and my never ending battle between fellowship and residency, life seems to be at a stand still. I got more IV training at the hospital today, always a plus. and after walking through the ICN i realized that babies are ridiculously cute...who would've thought? I just wish i could chuck them out when they start to verbalize everything. and yay, one of our pharm techs quit...again, so i got extra hours! = more money to spend on new years and spring break! which reminds me, i'll be in nyc for the ball dropping if anyone's interested (we got a group package)....now all i really need is to finish of the rest of my letter and pressure my preceptors into finishing up their recommendations. then as long as i don't act like a complete retard during January i should be set *crosses fingers* ...but right now...must shower and wait for roomies to come back from class.